As I sat open-mouthed watching the abysmal teaser commercial for the new Gus Van Sant “Psycho” re-make, I couldn’t help picturing the Universal Studios pea-brains sitting around a conference table and giving it the go-ahead. “Scream” got the kids interested in scary movies again, they were thinking, and we want to make that kind of money without excessive effort. We still own the rights to Hitchcock’s masterpiece, he’s too dead to complain, and it’s easy enough to shoo Universal Studios tourists away from the still-standing Psycho set during filming. Problem solved. What they forgot is that Van Sant ain’t Hitchcock, since if he were he wouldn’t need to be doing a re-make. On the upside, after this one tanks they may be smart enough to ditch plans for “Casablanca 2000,” “Citizen Kane In Space,” and “The Wizard of Oz II: Judgement Day.”